Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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