I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
