you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
