You just made me feel so damn special
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
