how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I supernannyed him into submission
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
