so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My bed smells like the plague
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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