am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
