mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
