i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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