No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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