Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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