Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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