Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
