um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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