So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
