using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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