I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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