No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
