and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
