I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
