And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
