that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
