just tell him i said nine months
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
