Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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