Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
