Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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