And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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