I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I think I just sharted jello shots
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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