Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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