if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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