I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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