I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
