pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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