He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
