do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
