I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
