So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
