I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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