every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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