i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
