I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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