Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
