sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
