Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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