I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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