Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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