Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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