Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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