our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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