thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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