I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
