Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
