the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
