sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
