I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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